You want me to put the doughnut where??

You want me to put the doughnut where??

So today at work Spanky and I were reading Jason Mulgrews blog….the one where he responds to the sex tips from men in Cosmo. It was fucking hilarious, which is just soooooo much more funny then just hilarious. I know, I’m a dork shut up.

It wasn’t really Jason’s response to the tips that were soooo funny as much as the fact that some of the things that got these “polled” guys (hmmm interesting word choice) came up with were ….well just common sense. For example one guy says that that watching a woman masturbate in front of him turns him on. Really?? I would have never guessed…it’s just so …crazy. Cause I totally thought I was the only one that got enjoyment out of me doing that.

Another one I liked is some dude says that when he is having sex he likes the woman to be really vocal so he knows she is enjoying it. lol ummm yeah makes sense...lol Oh well Vini Vici Vidi……..which is really the only thing that I learnt in Latin that I feel has a practical use…when it comes to sex…..and what does that have to do with anything?? I don’t know just thought of it and wrote it.

The one where the guy says that while the gal is on top she should reach down and feel her lower abs so she can feel him inside of her…. Okay sounds good. But I don’t think my one pack counts as real abs and really like how huge is this guy that he is up there that far…..hmmmm……sorry got distracted seeing how far my one pack extends.

However, the best tip by far is the one where the guy’s wants a doughnut placed on his dick and have the gal eat it. I’m thinking of every doughnut that I have ever seen and you know what?? They have really small holes!!!! How would that be a turn on to know that your man’s penis is skinny enough to shove though a doughnut hole???….oh yeah baby that’s hot…..not so good. Okay I just tried to find a pic of that. However there are none!! But there are a lot of sites where people talk about it. It must be fun.
Spanky suggested onion rings…….hmmmmm hot greasy onion rings and a sweaty, salty, maybe latex or flavoured lube penis….now that’s something that I just can not wait to taste! Do you think it would still be okay to dip it in Ketchup? No wonder we have been collected ketchup packets at work……talk about being prepared!!!!

Ohhhhhhh I almost forgot the one about the guy who like to have his armpits licked. Now not that there is anything wrong with that. But have you ever put deodorant on your tongue b4? I have. Why…well….. hmmmm…well why do I do a lot of things that I do….just because I’m up to no good. However, it tends to kinda dry your tongue out. And if you are freaky enough to have me lick your armpits I’m sure I’ll eventually be sucking your cock and I’ll have no spit. So really is it worth it? However, my tongue won’t be sweating and there won’t be any of those embarrassing shirt stains…..okay what and the hell does that mean……oh well.

Okay I think I have to start thinking of other things to write about cause it is starting to look like I’m obsessed with sex. Okay I wont lie…I am….. . However, I am blaming it on Regina. Shit two hot waiters that still have me thinking over time and football stadium full of nice ass and football players in hot little tight uniforms…….mmmmmmmm. It seemed like there was something I wanted to jump everywhere I turned. Except for at B.P’s when I walked in there there was this table of ohhhhh so nice men.... three to be exact and considering I was meeting a co-worker there that I had never met.... I almost got excited…. two single men for hayley to have fun with……and then it turned out that it was the wrong table and I had to go talk to the freakishly tall boring guy in the dark corner….shit…just my luck. Oh well at least TAK got turned on by the guy……and I think that just might be the first time that has ever happened. I don’t think she has ever masturbated, but she really liked him so way to go John I think you might be her first fantasy. Poor girl….poor poor poor girl